


Pretty Maids.

by millygal



Series: Dares [3]
Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 14:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10641960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal
Summary: Sam Tyler, you're a dead man.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I just can't bring myself to feel sorry for Gene XD

"I'm not sure even your mad, bad bedroom skills are worth this, Tyler" Gene sucked on his ciggie and glared at his grinning DI. Why'd he agree to this? Blackmail, bribery and all kinds of corruption. His various extra curricular activities were gonna get him in some serious shit, one day.

Sam huffed like a two year old and put his hands on his hips. "You said you'd do it, Gene. You made me kiss _Ray,_ you arsehole. I couldn't get shot of the taste of day old ciggies for ages. I even contemplated bleach"

"You stick yer tongue down my throat all the time, what's the difference?"

Gritting his teeth, Sam held out his arms and pranced in a circle " _You have an extremely sexual moustache, Raymond_. Do I **really** need to explain the difference to you!"

Gene couldn't help the grin. That alone had been worth Ray's bitching and Sam's gagging.

"That and I don't much fancy the greasy, hairy, overstuffed, beached whale, thanks. And for your information, I did **NOT** stick my tongue down his bloody throat!"

Dropping his half smoked fag, Gene sighed and asked for the millionth time "But why does it 'ave to be Chris?"

Exasperation didn't even cover it. "Because it just **does** and that's final. Or would you prefer Phyllis, hmmm?" The look of abject terror on Gene's face made Sam want to cry with laughter. Instead he bit his cheek and shut his mouth, knowing if he gave the Guv any kind of excuse, he'd hit him.

They'd spent an hour going over exactly what Gene was supposed to say. Two fist fights, one make out session and half a bottle of scotch later, Gene still hadn't fully grasped the concept.

"Stop stalling and get your bloody arse out there"

Mumbling under his breath, Gene shuffled out the office. Before fully exiting, he turned and wagged a finger at Sam "This best be worth a _fanbloodytastic_ blow job, Tyler. Or I'll have you neutered" and then he was gone, out the office before Sam could nag him again.

Sam hung out the door "Swing your hips, big boy" Without bothering to turn, Gene flipped him the 'V'.

How in the hell was he meant to pull this off. The DC was daft but he wasn't a fuckin' spastic, he'd twig somethin' wasn't right and Gene knew absolutely nothin' about femin..femini..woman's stuff. Ahh well, in for a penny...

"Chris, can I 'ave a word?" Gene tried to look non threatening. It was hard, that being his default setting.

"Ye..yes Guv, what's up?" Chris looked petrified, poor sod.

Gene did his best not to smirk, biting his lip and remembering to hitch his voice a little. "Can we go somewhere a little more private?"

"Sure Guv, lost 'n' found okay?" 

He nodded and gestured for Chris to go first. Flicking a quick look over his shoulder, he could see Sam grinning from ear to ear. _Smug bastard_.

*******************

Pulling up a chair and motioning for Chris to do the same, Gene leant heavily on the table. Here goes. "Chris, I..urm, I...you, well the thing is.." Chris looked perplexed but said nothing "The thing is, this is the thing, you see I..." Gene fumbled for a smoke, lighting it with shaking hands. "I'm a woman. I mean, not that I'm, you know a _woman_ , but I'm a trapped, in a mans body, kind of thing"

It took Chris a good minute to react. His brain having just melted. His Guv was a...Oh, OH. Right, okay. "You're a woman, Guv? As in tits in a jumper, fuzzy mongrel, woman?" _Sam Tyler, you're a dead man_

"Yea. That's it. I'm one of them whatsits, transexes, transsexuals, you know. Anyway, I was wonderin' if you could..if you could, urm tell me where I can get meself a dress, maybe or just a skirt. Not sure what I fancy yet, but any help would be grand"

Chris'd gone a lovely shade of pink and if Gene got any redder he'd have started whistling.

"Ah, sorry Guv but I don't wear many dresses. I could always ask my aunty Mabel, if you, ya know, really fancy it"

Gene could sense the grin before he saw it. DC Skelton was about to laugh at him and he didn't think he could handle it, so he jumped out his chair, knocking it over and practically ran for the door. Just as he was about to leave he turned "Ah, chris? I'd 'preciate it if ya didn't say anythin' to anyone else"

He could feel the amusement in Chris's voice "Wilco Guv"

*******************

Sam was sat patiently, twiddling his thumbs, perched against his desk. He heard the door smack into the wall and started to count. He got to 20 before a large, grasping hand slammed down on his collar and almost yanked him off his feet.

" **My office, laughin' boy** " 

"You did remember to tell Chris what size you are, didn't you?"

.


End file.
